and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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