in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
