you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
