I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
