I need to stop coming to work sober
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
