Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
