i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
