No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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