good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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