im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
