ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
