I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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