4 words: hood of his car
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
