Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
