I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
