The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
