I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
