wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
