Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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