if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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