someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
