How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
