im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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