I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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