This is not my ceiling
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
