Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
