Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We need to get me chipped asap
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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