I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
