I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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