Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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