my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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