you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
