fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
