I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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