remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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