Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
