I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
