Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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