Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Say something about gay babies.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
