if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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