how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
