I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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