Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
