ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
