i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
