It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
