He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
