how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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