I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
