Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
