my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
